Hidden Self harm Scars or Not

I have a lots of scars in various areas of my body, some exposed, some not, there is due to my self harm years when I was more younger or some in cause of my skin problems, I did post where I talk about my skin problems is here.

When I did it and I looked down at my arms, I thoughts about to hide them and I could not live in adult life with these scars, all peoples could look at me and say what are you to do on your arms? It’s horrible!
The scars are in all sizes and sides on my arms. When I touch them with my fingers I feel good.

I have no problem for put a tshirt in summer and that everybody see them.

WEIRD, I have no problems now for accept scars that I did by myself but scars that I did not myself, I literally do not accept and refuse to show them, I feel in trouble when I must show them, very in trouble, I have some much difficults when I must to put me in swimsuit in public place.

 

I accept myself scars because I accept now that if these scars are here this is maybe because I had not choose the good manner for take out of my body my sufferings… for to be honest at one time, I choose selfharm for attract attention of peoples and show my sufferings and also for that peoples give attention to me cause I felt with no attention of persons, there is few months back I take conscience that this is in cause of borderline personality disorder, because I felt all time abandoned which I searched to attract attention with this attitude.

 

This was not maybe the good manner, but this was the mine.

This was the thing that I try for which peoples like me. Honestly, I know which it was not the good! I hated my self harm scars when I was practice it again. But now few years later I don’t hate them, I don’t see them as bad thing.

They are a part of my experience as a human being.

I think for accept self harm scars and of do not use again this manner for resolve her suffering, I do not think that us can accept self harm scars so that you think and try to use this manner for stop sufferings. I think it is not possible to accept them time that we are in practice.

 

Now… the mine, I accept them with me.

 

…But I do not accept my scars that I didn’t do, I did not wanted who are to mines, I hate them, I did not want them,… I hate them.

 

I hope that in future years, I could to accept them, it could easiness my life, my self confidence, my adult life.

xoxo

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